The beauty of life is that we really hold the opportunity to experience the mystery of grace at any given moment. Challenged to the core at times, while we walk through the dark seemingly blindfolded as to what will occur next, we also stand to grow significantly in our faith and understanding of how we experience authentic, God given grace.
In this instant as I glance at my surroundings, I am humbled by the past 4 weeks. Usually I would prefer to keep this as a 'dear diary' moment, however the turn of events that led to this moment are nothing short of a leap of faith, genuine grace, and miraculous happenings that have led to new beginnings. A new home, back in the workplace for the first time in years, adapting to single parenting, and living across the country from my family...this is my reality and one which I am proud.
As the past year has been a transition period for my boys father and myself, my life's foundation has been shaken up quite a bit to allow for change to occur. Any situation of this caliber would cause a ripple effect in one's life. And that's exactly what happened, although it certainly felt like more of a tsunami than a ripple.
Four weeks ago I found myself with a two week deadline to find an affordable home in Los Angeles for my 3 boys & I, along with a job, and affordable childcare. Exhilaration was the initial feeling...it lasted about 30 minutes until complete panic took over. Not the most attractive of life moments, laying in the fetal position on the floor and hyperventilating did nothing to make anything happen so once composed through conversations with family and close friends...I put my big girl panties on and got ready for action.
Acting on what I thought was best and in line with what God wanted me to do felt IMPOSSIBLE. For me, the greatest moments of personal and spiritual growth have always been spurred on by circumstances that feel unachievable to move through (boarding school & boot camp to name a few). These are the circumstances when faith gets tested, the times where we prove to ourselves that rising to the occasion isn't as far fetched as once believed. But also true is that when we take action to do the uncomfortable and show that we are willing to walk into the unknowing , it's grace that holds our hand and ensures that we cross over onto solid ground.
In my own life once I took baby steps into the direction I felt led to move toward, in two weeks time nothing short of a series of miracles occurred. The job, the home, and the childcare all fell into place. Nothing came easily, but that's because there were little lessons to be reminded of along the way and most often I put limitations on what I thought God could actually do. Silly me. Once at my wits end with each scenario and without a second to spare, I found a fabulous community to reside in, a job that was more than suitable, and a wonderful young woman who adores my boys to help with the balancing act of childcare. Does it get any better than that?
The grace that carried me through these past few weeks (and continue to do so) have been the girlfriends who barely knew me but helped me clean out my home, the friends who sent texts or called and still have yet to hear back from me to this day but know that I love them and will reappear in due time. It was the friends who called me to the mat, had the tough conversations, unafraid of my response and knowing full well I needed a swift kick in the butt. Grace appeared as a strangers offering to pass my name along to someone they knew was hiring, the woman at the bank who I will never see again that gave me a hug telling me that it would all be okay in the end, a home owner working with my delicate situation with an open heart and compassion when no one else would. THAT WAS GRACE HOLDING MY HAND. That grace was the flashlight in the moment my faith was being stretched...and boy am I grateful!
Have faith in the darkest of times. Be open to being stretched for peace IS there awaiting you on the other side. It may not be immediate but it will happen, and that I can guarantee.
“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy.” - Elizabeth Gilbert
