Free falling in blind faith can be intimidating; it can be a source of pain, exposed resistance, and reveal how much control we were trying to exercise over aspects in our life when we thought we were just 'going with the flow'. Up until about a month ago, I thought I was a person consistently in the flow of life. Please quit shaking your head in disbelief.
Control makes us feel safe and it gives us the false sense of power; the more we operate in this way the more we block the flow of opportunities that are generously available to us. Don't get me wrong, there are things we should try to control...boundaries, how we communicate with others, even methods of self-care. But notice that these are the forms of control considered healthy and relate to ourselves, not environment or situations. Attempting to control anything outside of ourselves is typically an action rooted in fear, and usually related to circumstances we experienced early on in life that we want to prevent from occurring again.
When we learn to let go and begin operating from a place of beautifully faith-filled abandon; we are residing in a place of grace and alignment with our Higher Power/Purpose that can bring amazing opportunities and relationships in our life. I've watched close friends move through traumatic experiences such as defeating cancer, death of a child/spouse, or overcoming financial despair, only to be moved ultimately to a more powerful and successful existence they never dreamed possible. One friend went so far in her practice of blind faith, that during her emotionally draining divorce she decided to do the one thing in life that scared her the most: sky diving. After completing her first dive, she went back for more and has discovered strength that gives her the courage when she needs it the most and the ability to fearlessly connect with others. In my own life, during the last few years when I've felt very little 'wiggle room' for time, money, or resources, I've been forced into blind faith and as a result been blessed with the most supportive relationships, career, etc, that have helped me solidify an internal and external foundation worth living on in my new chapter. Bottom line - it's not easy to let go of the fear/control and operate in the present moment where we can't calculate or know what comes next. But when we act on this there is great opportunity for healing and alignment with who we truly; even similar to paying it forward as it's inspiring for the onlookers!
Baby step it if you have to, but dare to let go and exist only in the moment that is occurring right now. Trust that your Higher Power/God has your back (so to speak), that there is a limitless supply of abundance and opportunities available; everything that happens in between is simply a result of your healing of past wounds that are clearing the way for space to be filled by new blessings of a richer life lived with a bigger purpose.
Cheers! (With love and gratitude)
Monday, November 10, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall...
I had the pleasure the other day of having a mirror held up to my spirit, thus revealing a quality that had remained overlooked for some time but was creating quite a bit of commotion. As a daily practice, I often wake about 5am to start the day with a brief walk, tea, a review personal affirmations, and prayer or meditation. Depending on the level of noise my internal self is creating at the moment each morning, my ability to genuinely reflect is determined. You can imagine then, since in the past months the noise has resembled something of a wind tunnel, moments of reflection have been hurried and lacking in the ability make a lasting difference.
How can we silence our internal noise? For me it becomes easily askew quite due to the challenges of single parenthood, work, and relationships in general (aka: life). Have my boys done their homework and are they feeling safe? Have I paid my cell phone bill yet...is it electronic billing or paper? Did I forget anything for my project at work? Oh no, a child is sick...I need to scramble to find last minute help! Did I fulfill my obligations to my partner or friends? What's that smell, did I remember to put on deodorant? Give my mind a moment wander and watch the spiral occur like water going down the bathtub drain!
But back to my original thought, how do we train ourselves to be mindful of the present moment and silence the noise? Most of these thoughts about life are required in order to operate on a daily basis but can clearly motivate survival mode more than a mode of thriving. Let's consider one solution that has presented itself to me several times in the recent past...surrender.
Surrendering comes when the mirror is held up and the masks come off. For example, recently a much valued relationship came to a conclusion and while pondering all the reasons for it's expiration, it was very easy to see why it didn't function because of the other person. But knowing that who we surround ourselves with is a direct reflection of the characteristics and struggles in ourselves, I knew better than to judge.
After some time I realized the struggle obvious to me in the other person was correlated directly with my own struggle, yet in a different way. Fear. My 'aha' moment was for me, fear lies in my being unable to own my power and maintain healthy boundaries with people who have certain dominating personality traits. Because I tend to lack confidence and belief that my power is even possible to exercise with these personality, it bleeds into every area of my life. Although this realization is not directly related with the dissolution of the relationship, the far reaching effects of my fear and lack of confidence certainly played a notable part in my responses toward the other person from the beginning. Boom.
Now what? Well...acceptance seemed to be the next viable option to explore in the hopes of silencing my internal tornado. Realizing that my fear was playing a 'lead' role and causing disruption in so many areas of life, it only made sense that acceptance could help it dissipate. After all, my desire to live a more peaceful and present existence propels me forward, so not accepting the role of fear would ultimately be too risky to ignore and the only option was to accept its existence.
Acceptance to me means that you can acknowledge your challenges with objectivity (and most often the help of good friends), then remove the power or energy behind what is acknowledged by loving it away. It's loving yourself and the challenge. You have been given the particular personality hurdle for a reason, so to view yourself through the eyes of God, your closest friends, or even family, means that love and acceptance are unconditional. When we practice this art of acceptance the results of healing (or necessary actions to begin healing) soften the intrusive internal noises, giving the mind the ability to be more present and clear to make healthier decisions.
The discipline of loving a challenging aspect of ourselves is not easy to do but the rewards stand to be great. Although we are all individuals with varying circumstances, consider how you might benefit through the acknowledgement of your own internal noise and it's origin, attempt to surrender your discoveries, and practice of acceptance and self love. Maybe it allows for more present living, overall contentment, and a soft gentle internal sound? Your thoughts are welcome...
Blessings!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Seasons, Cycles, & Coping...Oh My!
In this moment as we begin our new year, what season of life do you find
yourself in? What is the primary internal place you feel is being
shaken and stirred to create new growth? And even more so, how are you
coping with the changes swirling around you?
As 2013 has wrapped up, so many of my life's seasons began and ended and to list them in under an hour would prove impossible. Personally for me, the season most noteworthy of a shout out last year was 'relationships'. Relationships which began were friendships in my local and spiritual community of Los Angeles and work relationships. Relationships that have concluded, but are rich in lessons, would be those with family members who have passed on, some friendships, and my marriage of nine years. All of these cycles in the previous year brought a range transformations in my personal life, yet I currently find that it's not so much the lessons I want to focus on moving forward, it's my ability to handle the emotions as I'm moving through them.
I've tried nearly everything on a surface level to cope with the life's changes, if turning a blind eye or procrastinating counts as a coping mechanism. It's much easier to read about friends on Facebook or play Candy Crush than to stomach looking for yet another childcare provider, read that self-help book that has an inch of dust on the shelf, or even to pay bills. But the backlash of anxiety when I tackle my challenges in such a fashion quickly proves detrimental every time. I've even tried eating my way through the intense feelings the seasons of change can produce and it doesn't help. But what HAS helped is a loving supportive network of people who hold me accountable to my moving forward through these seasonal changes in life and offering advice that is not always what my ears want to hear, yet contains more value than I give credence to in the moment.
Luckily, there are a handful of people who love me enough to continually say the same thing multiple times per week at any given time. This wise advice is simple - "be kind, gentle, and love yourself." Pretty straightforward, right? I certainly wish, and I'm sure they do as well, that I had listened the first 30 times it was being said. However, after all the cycles and seasons of last year, I find myself faced with this lesson and knowing the key for moving forward successfully lies in my ability to genuinely act on this wise advice. If accomplished, it will certainly create a firm foundation for my ability to emotionally cope with the transitions of life cycles and seasons.
Acceptance, healthy boundaries, daily spiritual time, and sleep are at the top of my personal list for how to begin practicing self love. If I can begin to practice gratitude for the the blessings in the moment and the unanswered prayers, shut off my phone and be without distraction for a day, wake each morning and spend quiet moments spiritually nurturing my soul...the self love will grow more abundant than what it has been in the past. Sleeping, as small sounding as it is, will also allow my body to handle the emotions of seasonal in a more balanced way. With practice, these little things will ultimately change the way I move through challenging transitions. Without practice however, nothing will change and the same frantic anxiety/fear/anger will take over each time a new season begins...it's a personal choice to practice and a hard one at that. (Let us not forget the definition of insanity=doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results)
Everyone has a different formula on how to set a solid foundation for healthfully moving through seasons of change emotionally. The challenge is to identify the theme and underlying emotions...what is at the root of the emotions? THAT is where the freedom lies. For if you are anything like me in the way you handle stress during the most intense of times, the heart of the problem is often some form of self care that we are refusing ourselves. We refuse to care for ourselves often because we either don't believe it isn't deserved or is an act of selfishness.
May this year be filled with blessings for each of you and the ability to feel stable in the midst of the seasons of change we will experience. And as each experience presents itself may you have the strength to identify what is necessary to create a loving foundation on which you can feel stable as the transformations take place!
As 2013 has wrapped up, so many of my life's seasons began and ended and to list them in under an hour would prove impossible. Personally for me, the season most noteworthy of a shout out last year was 'relationships'. Relationships which began were friendships in my local and spiritual community of Los Angeles and work relationships. Relationships that have concluded, but are rich in lessons, would be those with family members who have passed on, some friendships, and my marriage of nine years. All of these cycles in the previous year brought a range transformations in my personal life, yet I currently find that it's not so much the lessons I want to focus on moving forward, it's my ability to handle the emotions as I'm moving through them.
I've tried nearly everything on a surface level to cope with the life's changes, if turning a blind eye or procrastinating counts as a coping mechanism. It's much easier to read about friends on Facebook or play Candy Crush than to stomach looking for yet another childcare provider, read that self-help book that has an inch of dust on the shelf, or even to pay bills. But the backlash of anxiety when I tackle my challenges in such a fashion quickly proves detrimental every time. I've even tried eating my way through the intense feelings the seasons of change can produce and it doesn't help. But what HAS helped is a loving supportive network of people who hold me accountable to my moving forward through these seasonal changes in life and offering advice that is not always what my ears want to hear, yet contains more value than I give credence to in the moment.
Luckily, there are a handful of people who love me enough to continually say the same thing multiple times per week at any given time. This wise advice is simple - "be kind, gentle, and love yourself." Pretty straightforward, right? I certainly wish, and I'm sure they do as well, that I had listened the first 30 times it was being said. However, after all the cycles and seasons of last year, I find myself faced with this lesson and knowing the key for moving forward successfully lies in my ability to genuinely act on this wise advice. If accomplished, it will certainly create a firm foundation for my ability to emotionally cope with the transitions of life cycles and seasons.
Acceptance, healthy boundaries, daily spiritual time, and sleep are at the top of my personal list for how to begin practicing self love. If I can begin to practice gratitude for the the blessings in the moment and the unanswered prayers, shut off my phone and be without distraction for a day, wake each morning and spend quiet moments spiritually nurturing my soul...the self love will grow more abundant than what it has been in the past. Sleeping, as small sounding as it is, will also allow my body to handle the emotions of seasonal in a more balanced way. With practice, these little things will ultimately change the way I move through challenging transitions. Without practice however, nothing will change and the same frantic anxiety/fear/anger will take over each time a new season begins...it's a personal choice to practice and a hard one at that. (Let us not forget the definition of insanity=doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results)
Everyone has a different formula on how to set a solid foundation for healthfully moving through seasons of change emotionally. The challenge is to identify the theme and underlying emotions...what is at the root of the emotions? THAT is where the freedom lies. For if you are anything like me in the way you handle stress during the most intense of times, the heart of the problem is often some form of self care that we are refusing ourselves. We refuse to care for ourselves often because we either don't believe it isn't deserved or is an act of selfishness.
May this year be filled with blessings for each of you and the ability to feel stable in the midst of the seasons of change we will experience. And as each experience presents itself may you have the strength to identify what is necessary to create a loving foundation on which you can feel stable as the transformations take place!
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