In this moment as we begin our new year, what season of life do you find
yourself in? What is the primary internal place you feel is being
shaken and stirred to create new growth? And even more so, how are you
coping with the changes swirling around you?
As 2013 has
wrapped up, so many of my life's seasons began and ended and to list
them in under an hour would prove impossible. Personally for me, the
season most noteworthy of a shout out last year was 'relationships'.
Relationships which began were friendships in my local and spiritual
community of Los Angeles and work relationships. Relationships that have
concluded, but are rich in lessons, would be those with family members
who have passed on, some friendships, and my marriage of nine years. All
of these cycles in the previous year brought a range transformations in
my personal life, yet I currently find that it's not so much the
lessons I want to focus on moving forward, it's my ability to handle the
emotions as I'm moving through them.
I've tried
nearly everything on a surface level to cope with the life's changes, if
turning a blind eye or procrastinating counts as a coping mechanism.
It's much easier to read about friends on Facebook
or play Candy Crush than to stomach looking for yet another childcare
provider, read that self-help book that has an inch of dust on the
shelf, or even to pay bills. But the backlash of anxiety when I tackle
my challenges in such a fashion quickly proves detrimental every time.
I've even tried eating my way through the intense feelings the seasons
of change can produce and it doesn't help. But what HAS helped is a
loving supportive network of people who hold me accountable to my moving
forward through these seasonal changes in life and offering advice that
is not always what my ears want to hear, yet contains more value than I
give credence to in the moment.
Luckily, there are
a handful of people who love me enough to continually say the same
thing multiple times per week at any given time. This wise advice is
simple - "be kind, gentle, and love yourself." Pretty straightforward,
right? I certainly wish, and I'm sure they do as well, that I had
listened the first 30 times it was being said. However, after all the
cycles and seasons of last year, I find myself faced with this lesson
and knowing the key for moving forward successfully lies in my ability
to genuinely act on this wise advice. If accomplished, it will certainly
create a firm foundation for my ability to emotionally cope with the
transitions of life cycles and seasons.
Acceptance,
healthy boundaries, daily spiritual time, and sleep are at the top of my
personal list for how to begin practicing self love. If I can begin to
practice gratitude for the the blessings in the moment and the
unanswered prayers, shut off my phone and be without distraction for a
day, wake each morning and spend quiet moments spiritually nurturing my
soul...the self love will grow more abundant than what it has been in
the past. Sleeping, as small sounding as it is, will also allow my body
to handle the emotions of seasonal in a more balanced way. With
practice, these little things will ultimately change the way I move
through challenging transitions. Without practice however, nothing will
change and the same frantic anxiety/fear/anger will take over each time a
new season begins...it's a personal choice to practice and a hard one
at that. (Let us not forget the definition of insanity=doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results)
Everyone
has a different formula on how to set a solid foundation for
healthfully moving through seasons of change emotionally. The challenge
is to identify the theme and underlying emotions...what is at the root
of the emotions? THAT is where the freedom lies. For if you are anything
like me in the way you handle stress during the most intense of times,
the heart of the problem is often some form of self care that we are
refusing ourselves. We refuse to care for ourselves often because we
either don't believe it isn't deserved or is an act of selfishness.
May this year be filled with
blessings for each of you and the ability to feel stable in the midst of
the seasons of change we will experience. And as each experience
presents itself may you have the strength to identify what is necessary
to create a loving foundation on which you can feel stable as the
transformations take place!
