Many blessings can come from heartache. It's difficult to feel blessed during the challenging times in life, and most often the closest friends who lend an ear and hand you a cocktail are those that have the foresight to see the benefits of the situation. Sometimes it takes weeks after beginning anew that someone can begin to have more clarity and feel gratitude for the obstacle they came through.
One of the toughest challenges for me was boot camp. Yes, oh yes. BOOT CAMP. In Idaho. In the desert and mountains, where not a soul dare to wander by choice. At the tender young age of 16, my parents and I had enough of one another and boarding school was the direction we* decided would be best to have a break.
Not being one to love summer camp or any organized activity, my parents were smart to tell me that I HAD to attend a summer program for 3 weeks before going onto my new school. I balked, cried, wanted to run away...but instead I consented to pack my bag and go. It would've been obvious from the start that this was not your typical summer program. The only contents allowed in my bag were as follows: 1 pair camouflage pants, 5 pair underwear, hiking boots, toothbrush, hairbrush, and a journal. But off to camp I went, bangs sprayed up high, pink lipstick, white keds, and all.
Upon arrival at the airport I was greeted by 2 military personnel. The moment I stepped off the plane they were in my face, directing me to go sit by the wall with a group of people. No questions were answered, just do as they say was the command. After an hour or so, the leaders took us out to two vans, split us into groups and ordered us to sit. They drove us far away and turned off the highway onto a dirt road which continued for about 30 more minutes. Anxiety heightening, at last we stopped in the middle of nowhere, were given bags with contents for us to go through, and ordered to strip down.
At this point, mind swirling with thoughts of who-knows-what (I've blocked it out), I was provided my pants, underwear, and shoes from my bag; then given a sweater, t-shirt, toothbrush, water canteens, socks, a sleeping bag, plastic baggies with rations of food, and twine. From here my group was taught how to pack our things and create the backpack we would carry for the next 21 days. Craziness. Splitting off into groups and hiking out into the night away from all civilization, my group of 7 people like me wondered what on earth would come next.
For three weeks my group would hike for miles during the day and sleep in a bag on the ground at night. (Side note: they would take our shoes and hide them so we wouldn't run away..but as sure as I am alive, there were kids who actually tried to run away...to where I'm not sure. I think they were nuts.) We would eat raw oats for breakfast and lentils for dinner at night. Using the bathroom was done the ole western way...dig a hole and bury it. Brushing your teeth was possible, but not with toothpaste. Bathing wasn't included in the summer camp program, so toward the end my diva self was humbled with lots of arm pit hair and an au' natural smell to boot.
Not to belabor with too many details, but some of the highlights from these three weeks included our opening statements from the boys and girls in my groups. It was there that I doubted my parents even knew what they were doing as when asked why these kids were attending the 'summer camp' most stated that the court ordered their attendance before being released back into society. Other fabulous moments included eating a rattlesnake that was speared, skinned, and prepared by our leader; a three day solo camp experience (listening to the coyotes howl while alone and not in a tent can be a bit intimidating), and waking up to a mouse 4 inches from my face but not wanting to do anything about it because it was too cold to move from my sleeping bag.
This 3 weeks certainly ranks as one of the top 3 most challenging times in my life. But every mile that was hiked by my ski-like feet marked another brick that was torn down from the wall I had built around my heart. It was true faith I discovered at that time. Faith that even when you have seemingly nothing, you must move forward until you find what point you need to begin again from. The genuine aspects I learned from this experience gave me both physical and emotional survival techniques. How to find the strength within to be more in line with me and to rise above other's ideas of who I was.
The gift of this boot camp from my parents was the best they have ever given me. For afterward, as I left home to go to boarding school away from everything I had ever known, my faith and belief in myself was more unshakable than ever....and I graduated with all A's and in the National Honor Society.
These are the blessings that have come from my journey...there are more and more each day that are revealed to me as I begin yet a new chapter. But remembering where I've come from gives strength for what will come next!
*I use the term 'we' loosely...I had given my poor parents no other choice. Doing worse than poor in school, the non-existent birth mother, complete insecurity as an individual in every way. Or perhaps it was the bowl cut I got at the age of seven where EVERYONE told me how much I looked like my father...which I did, but at least he was a man..I was a seriously butch looking child (meaning no disrespect to the word butch).
Of course, I remember that you were gone one summer but I had no idea that this experience was what awaited you. I cannot imagine walking through what you did, yet the fact that this desert is where you met God is incredibly beautiful. The darkness can never overcome the light. Keep walking in the Light, and keep listening. You just might have a book in there. You never know.
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