Things that come in three's....

Have you heard of the saying that things always happen in three's? The good Lord above chuckled at my stubbornness and illusion of control over my life when he entrusted three beautiful souls into my care...despite preventative measures being in place each time! If you've met me, I'm quick to point out all my parenting flaws and belief that God has more faith in my ability to parent than He should. You would probably know too, within the first five minutes of our conversation, that parenting was never in my personal plan growing up. My patience and personal skill set lacked a level of being grounded and centered; should I be entrusted with additional lives, it may prove hairy and chaotic. Yet most positive set of three's to grace my presence are my three spirited boys.  

B.C. (before children) my focus was on utilizing personal survival skills to adapt and live moment to moment. Having left home at 16, the relationship with my siblings and parents wasn't necessarily poor, but it's safe to say it could be classified as an arm's length status. There had always been love between us, but not knowing what direction to pour my energy into or where I could find stable ground from which to operate, clouded my sense of purpose and relationships. Although I was employed and accomplished in the business sense, there was still that nagging feeling that there was something more that could be done to make a difference if I could just sit still for ONE minute and be silent.

That moment of silence was deafening upon the arrival of my first born, Sam. One look at him and complete fear enveloped my heart...for I had no IDEA how to care for such a fragile being. Love for him was immediate, but good grief I felt I might just screw him up from the start if I didn't feed him, dress him, or bathe him correctly. All those books will make someone psychotic if they weren't emotionally prepared for child rearing.

Talk exposing control issues. My poor family thought me crazy as I would make lists and demands a mile long out of fear of screwing Sam up completely. My sister Kimberly came to aid and guide me in this new journey which helped incredibly. She and I would talk slang to Sam, sit up late at night giggling and telling him inappropriate jokes that made the tension surrounding the situation go away. It took me about 3 months to get comfy in the new maternal role before I discovered Ben was on his way. Yes, you read that right. Sam was 3 months old when I took a pregnancy test as a joke and it was positive. After racing to the drugstore and purchasing 5 more, the conclusion that I was with child yet again could not be disputed.

One week after Sam's first birthday, my sweet n' spicy fellow Ben arrived. The fear was less this time and the love immediate.  Four years passed before Joe accompanied us along our journey, but upon his arrival, and completion of the 'triad', many hidden blessings have come into view more clearly.

The birth of my children has brought about a birth of my own personal sense of self. Dusting off the shelves of my personality relating to nurturing, softness, and maternal instincts has uncovered a natural intuition for discovering what components I'm made of. Knowing what these components are have led to a healthy birth of relationships. My parents, siblings and myself are able to now communicate and love authentically and openly. Friendships have ended and come into being, but all with purpose and all with love. Not everything is figured out of course, but it's always a work in process. A process I'm more grateful for than I would have ever imagined.

Blessings!